Apsley House review (Aug 2011)
This is out-of-date! I have been here again since I wrote this review
Apsley House is where the Duke of Wellington used to live -- the guy who gave Napoleon a wuping at Waterloo. It's still pretty much as he left it with all the paintings and furnishings in place. It's kind of like a stately home, I suppose. It's alright if you like paintings and old antiques, and gloating at the French. But if you're a woman or a kid then maybe not. When I went round there were at least ten kids fast asleep on the pink seats.
The first room you go in is the Plate Room. It's full of... dinner plates. Hence it's name. There's probably about 100 of the things all covered in gold which the Duke got as a present. Everything in the house seems to have been given to him as a present. There's also a few old swords as well and a big white model of an Egyptian palace.
After that I headed upstairs and managed to latch onto the back of the guided tour. The guy doing it reminded me of Dave from Chas and Dave. He said some interesting things about the paintings on display but I learnt more from the audio guide, to be honest. He kept forgetting all the artist's names and dates. What they need to do is hire an old soldier to do it... inject a bit of life into it. Because when he showed you a painting of a battle he said loads about the painter, but nowt about the fight. It was like doing a tour of the local library, everyone being quiet and not moving and listening intently to the bloke who was boring everyone rigid. Every time someone sneeked out a camera they got told to put it away. No cameras allowed. Not much fun, so I sneaked off after a while and went around myself.
The only room that really knocked me out was the Waterloo Gallery. It's just another room with red walls and chandeliers, with gold-frame paintings on the walls, but it's pretty well done. I wouldn't like to do the dusting though.
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