Thames River Services (TRS) review (Jul 2011)
This is out-of-date! I have been here again since I wrote this review
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A boat trip to Greenwich is #17 in my London Bucket List
I decided to get one of those leisurely boats trips to Greenwich today. It was boiling hot all day and I was too lazy to get the tube so I sat on the boat instead. It took about an hour to go from the London Eye to Greenwich Pier, and a bit more coming back because of all the dopey boatmen getting in our way. I never knew you could have a traffic jam on the water, but I was stuck in one on the way back.
I reckon the tour guide was a frustrated comic, testing out all his jokes on the captive audience. Half the audience were Japanese tourists so didn't have a clue what he was talking about, which might explain the lack of laughs. But some of his gags were alright, they made me laugh. I only remember a few, but here is a taster of the entertainment onboard: He pointed out the National Theatre as the ugliest building in London: "Even Prince Charles thinks it ugly," he said, "and let's face it, he should know, because he's seen a lot of ugly things." I'm guessing that was a Camilla joke. A fair point. Then he explained how we got Cleopatra's Needle for beating Napoleon's butt in Egypt. "There's a smaller one in Paris," he said, "which they got for coming second." Ho ho oh no. I think that is enough of his jokes. We had to listen to those for an hour.
He did point out a few good things though. He showed us the studio where they film "Daybreak" (that Adrian Chiles breakfast show). If I tell you that it looks like a rundown wooden warehouse on the banks of the Thames then you can go and ogle Christine Bleakley -- it's the little white building with blacked out windows by Gabriel's Wharf. And I found out where Helen Mirren lives too. She's got a posh house on the bank of the Thames, just past Tower Bridge (see photo). We had a peer through the windows but she wasn't home. He showed us a few movie sets too, like that James Bond speedboat scene at the start of "Tomorrow Never Dies" (is that the one?) where he's chasing the bird through the locks. All I remember is that she blew up by the Millennium Dome, but we never got that far.
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Here are some more boat journeys I’ve been on…