London Film Museum review
I wonder if they're still looking for the next James Bond. What they should do is go for somebody completely different next time, maybe Roger Moore minus the suit and toupee (ie. me). Somebody who did six months of judo when he was a kid (me) and drove a Mini Metro instead of an Aston Martin. Somebody, for example, who is me (I'm talking about me). Basically what I'm saying is, I think they should pick me.
I actually applied for a job at MFI once thinking it was MI5 and ended up selling furniture for six months (what a terrible joke -- I apologise for that). So now I just get myself down to the London Film Museum, or the London One-Film Museum, as I like to call it, because this entire place is filled with James Bond props. That is literally the only movie they do. You're not going to find the Tin Man's heart or Tom Cruise's original teeth in here because it's all spy cars and busted-up bikes and boats. The inside is like a dark car showroom and you walk from shiny car to shiny car watching a few Bond clips on the wall.
They must have crushed up the early cars from Dr No because they skip straight to a Rolls Royce from A View To A Kill. I'm pretty sure they used to have an Aston Martin from Goldfinger but it seems to have disappeared now -- they've got one of Daniel Craig's instead, which is all shattered and banged up like it's been in a fight. Oh, no, wait a minute... here it is hidden round a corner.
The thing that I like most about these early Bond cars is that they don't have any of those daft rockets on the bonnet. You won't find any guns behind the numberplate, and the only smokescreen they do is whatever comes out of the exhaust. The most extravagant piece of kit they've got is a wind-down window so Connery can shoot wildly out the side whilst careering down a mountain.
Poor old Roger Moore didn't half get lumbered with some lousy vehicles. Apart from his Starsky & Hutch one from The Man With The Golden Gun what did he have... a robot crocodile and that silly little Tuk Tuk taxi from Octopussy. He was like the comedy Bond and he got stuck with all the comedy cars. But I suppose he did have that floating Lotus and flew to the moon in a spaceship, so it wasn't all bad.
Who was the guy in The Living Daylights? I keep wanting to call him Morten Harkett because they've got that A-Ha theme tune blasting out of the speakers. The highlight of his little section is the cello case he used to slide down a mountain.
Try and find Pierce Brosnan's invisible car from Die Another Day. My favourite one is probably his remote control car from Tomorrow Never Dies (don't touch it for chrissakes because you'll get electrocuted). One of the best things about this museum is being able to watch all of the cinema clips with the theme tune music blasting in your ears -- do you remember when he was driving it round that garage while slipping and sliding round in the backseat? You can watch five minutes of that while standing in front of the car.
The best non-cars they've got are Roger Moore's dinky little jet plane from Octopussy and Pierce Brosnan's speedboat from The World Is Not Enough. They haven't got much in the way of any other props, just a few movie posters and storyboards, a couple of hats and cameras, and a bloodied tux from Casino Royale. I thought they'd have more stuff for sale in the shop as well but it's pretty tiny.
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