Saatchi Gallery review
You don't want to listen to me when it comes to art because I haven't got a clue what I'm talking about (hey, at least I'm honest!). But I do know what minimalism is, and the Saatchi Gallery is a minimalist gallery of modern art. That is how I would describe it, because there's hardly any art inside. It's all sandpapered floorboards and bright white lights illuminating bare white walls.
This gallery doesn't have a permanent collection so what I describe to you now may have disappeared by the time you arrive, but don't worry -- that will be a blessing. These aren't the kind of pieces you'll want to see twice. In fact, most of the pieces you won't even want to see once.
In my unartistic and untutored mind it's barely sixth-form quality. And I do happen to know what sixth-form artwork looks like, because I used to churn it out myself. I was one of those A-level art students who dripped paint all over the place and then called it a tree. Now I wish I'd saved it and sold it to Charles Saatchi -- he would have loved it!
Let me describe some of the pieces to you. I'm staring at three big canvases at the moment... three big faces. One face is made up of four bits of sellotape. A second face has got a red line for his lips and a crumpled up piece of paper for his nose.
The next room just looks like graffiti -- the kind of rough stuff you find flaking away in back alleys and flats. Another guy has mixed up the darkest and dirtiest colours he could find and flung some mud at a rainbow. And this guy has created a giant newspaper in black felt tip pen, but it obviously started running out halfway through because it's just a load of increasingly streaky shades of fading grey. As an exercise in colouring in, it's a total fail.
So there you go... there's a sample of the art.
Here's a piece of good advice to finish: if you're into contemporary art then forget about the Saatchi Gallery and try the Tate Modern instead. (It's still a load of rubbish, but at least there's much more of it.)
I’ve been here before…
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