Borough Market review
Why not give McDonalds a miss today, and come to Borough Market instead? This is no ordinary street market. This is a foodie market, for gourmet foodies... for people who like to pimp their food in nuts and sauces and make it look like a work of art. It's an art gallery of food (with art gallery prices).
The burgers are huge! I'm guessing they've just cut the legs off a cow and stuffed it inside a bun. It sure does look delicious. I'm standing here drooling at its bubbling balloon, as its sizzles and smokes in a tray of flames. This is why cows die. They don't mind dying when they end up like this. Don't bring any vegetarians here for chrissakes, because they'll have a crisis of faith.
But if you think the burgers are big, then check out the cheeses! They are like builders bricks. They are like breeze blocks on the counter. It would probably take two of you to carry one home. It would be easier to just strap one on the side of a wagon and use it as a wheel. And what a variety of textures and colours: some of them are creamy white whilst other ones are rougher than a sheet of sandpaper. Some of them are covered in varicose veins and a white fluff of fungus -- proper cheese (I hate cheese!).
There's a lot of very strong aromas all around the market. It reminds me of the perfume counter at Selfridges. Every time I walk inside Selfridges my eyesight goes black and white from the toxic fumes, and the food stalls in here have the same effect -- you can tell the fish stall is coming from fifty feet away. They've got an oyster stall with buckets of shells that look like they've come straight from the sea -- they've still got the ocean foam on top. I can see a row of lobsters lined up like Red Army soldiers, slimy eels stretched out like striped ties in a suit shop, and a tray of silver sea bream with their shiny eyes pinned open. This place is hardcore: all the fish still have their heads, all the meat is covered in blood, and all the cheeses smell like they've been sitting in the sun for three weeks.
The bakers are worth a look because their breads have been sculptured into swirling shapes -- almost like sea shells. They've been dipped into seeds and brushed with a face-full of flour. And the greengrocer has stacked up his colourful fruits in the style of an elvish forest -- it looks like an enchanted garden in the middle of the woods. It's all raspberries and apricots, pale pink turnips and a pine tub of cauliflowers, looking like the base of a wedding bouquet. He's got an old ship barrel full of olives and nuts. He's arranged his vegetables like flowers. It's so pretty you don't want to take anything out, in case it ruins his display.
Try and find Maria's Market Cafe -- that's one of my favourite coffee stops in London. It's not a posh place. It's more like a builder's cafe, with plastic checkerboard table cloths and chunky mugs of tea. It's the kind of place that puts a bottle of tomato ketchup on the table for your bacon sandwich.
I’ve been here before…
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