London Zoo review (Jul 2011)
This is out-of-date! I have been here again since I wrote this review
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The last time I went to London Zoo was when I was about two feet tall and couldn't see into the cages, but what I do remember was that there was no rollercoasters and dodgems like Chessington Zoo, so I thought it was rubbish (I was a kid, so you can forgive me). But now I'm an adult and I thought it was great.
The first place I went to was the aquarium, which wasn't that great, to be honest. I have definitely seen better aquariums. The problem is that most of them are only a few inches long, and the longest they've got is about 3 feet. There are no sharks, or anything like that. Nothing that could kill you if it fell out the bath taps. It's just everyday angel fish and catfish, and pretty little tropical ones swimming around the coral. Nothing that you haven't seen a million times before. Things get better at "Penguin Beach", where they have those black and white tufty ones in a big pool.
After that you pass "Into Africa" and see the giraffes, zebras and warthogs. They've also got some bizarre looking half-zebra half-horse kind-of contraptions that I reckon they must have bred for a bet. That animal decided to stay inside his shed, and I dont blame him because when he came out everyone laughed at him. He had the stripey legs of a zebra and the body of a horse. I also felt a bit sorry for the warthogs, because i'm guessing that they belong in the mud. They certainly had a lot of mud, but it was bone dry and flaking away in the wind. The whole place was a dust bowl, and if I have one criticism of London Zoo, then it is the lousy state of some of the "cells". I walked past a few that had danger signs up saying "Beware of the deep water"... inside a bone dry river of nothing.
Dont forget to go inside the Butterfly House. Yeah, I know what you're thinking... boring boring zzzz. But it was actually one of my favourite bits. It's just like being inside a cage full of butterflies, they are buzzing around your heads. There are bazillions and bazillions of them, some of them pretty little small ones, and some of them big moths about six inches long. There are so many flying around that you actually have to be careful not to tread on them.
Next up was "Rainforest Life" which was a big building done up like an Amazon rainforest. When you go inside its hot and humid and they are pumping fine mist from the ceiling. You can see a few monkeys and sloths hanging from the trees, and people wilting around the edges. If you go down a level then everything becomes dark for the night animals. When I tell you that is dark, what I actually mean is that it is darker than dark, it is totally pitch black -- so you cant even see the hand in front of your face. They've got boxes of bats and rats (two feet long). But unless you've remembered to bring your army issue night-vision googles with you, they are a struggle to see.
Last up is the big dangerous stuff -- lions, tigers and sheep. The lions and tigers were particularly lazy on my day, and decided to have a kip on the far side of the enclosure. I was going to throw one of the annoying school kids in, to get them to move, but he was too fat to pick up. So after five minutes waiting for them to move instead of snooze I walked back through the petting zoo (pigs, sheep, boring) and the camels. I dont know what was wrong with the camels... it looked like they had the hump to me.
One final note: they don't have any elephants! What kind of zoo doesn't have elephants? And it wasn't just me getting lost and missing them either... I actually asked a zookeeper and they don't have any.
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